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Not Your Typical Data Driver Column

Dear ‹FirstName>,

In these trying times you occasionally just need to take a break from the business of data and have a good laugh. Which is what I did when I received the following e-mail, purportedly from a real data-related vendor. I'll protect that innocent by anonymizing the company/personal details in italics, but otherwise the message is presented as received:

Dear ‹FirstName›,

We're ‹insert emotion› to announce our research is nearly complete. In just a few ‹random time duration›, we'll be announcing the new Company Name Telepathy Source and Destination, allowing the everyday man and woman to read minds into an SSIS data stream.

Imagine being able to:

Read the entire encyclopedia in a matter of minutes

Output your wife's thoughts to find out how she really feels

Learn a new skill in seconds like Neo from the Matrix

Over the past week we've run a contest to see who can be the first to view this amazing research and I'm happy to announce that Person's Name is our winner. If you are Person's Name, please click the below link to see our research. If you are not Person's First Name, please do not click below. We operate solely on the honor system at Company Name.

Person's Name Click Here

‹Emotional Stub›,

CEO's Name, Founder of Company Name

So, I don't know if it was meant to harvest contact information or install malware or what, but it certainly provided some much-needed ‹insert pleasant emotion› to the Data Driver. What's the clumsiest troll you've ever received? Comment here or drop me a line.

Posted by David Ramel on 10/05/2011 at 1:15 PM


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Reader Comments:

Thu, Oct 6, 2011 Brian Knight Jacksonville, FL

Let me take this one on the chin. This was my email from my company. I did write it to poke fun at direct mail like this and as an attempt at a lighter marketing piece. I promise you no malware was used during this. I realized that after sending this that some didn't appreciate my dry humor and I'm sorry if it upset anyone at all. You were not alone by thinking it was a mistake. Some really got it as pun and others didn't. Probably learned to send this type of email on Aprils Fools Day instead :). To show the email in its entirity to shine a spotlight on my bad humor, you can see the below. Notice that the link when clicked reveals the "joke" and the real message around the components in the video that plays. Of course Harvey was a made up name. :) Dear , We’re to announce our research is nearly complete. In just a few , we’ll be announcing the new Pragmatic Works Telepathy Source and Destination, allowing the everyday man and woman to read minds into an SSIS data stream. Imagine being able to: • Read the entire encyclopedia in a matter of minutes • Output your wife’s thoughts to find out how she really feels • Learn a new skill in seconds like Neo from the Matrix Over the past week we’ve run a contest to see who can be the first to view this amazing research and I’m happy to announce that Harvey Richardson is our winner. If you are Harvey Richardson, please click the below link to see our research. If you are not Harvey, please do not click below. We operate solely on the honor system at Pragmatic Works. Harvey Richardson Click Here (http://pragmaticworks.com/landing/telepathytaskfactoryssis.aspx) , Brian Knight, Founder of Pragmatic Works http://pragmaticworks.com/landing/telepathytaskfactoryssis.aspx

Thu, Oct 6, 2011

The best part is the irony! If they actually had telepathy software, wouldn't they know whether they were sending the email to the contest winner?

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